


How Deadpool derailed the Civil War

by Bacner



Category: Captain America (Marvel Movies), Deadpool (fandom), MCU, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: AU - Freeform, Civil War, Crossover Universe, Deadpool - Freeform, F/M, Gen, Yetis - Freeform, crackfic, derailed, no one dies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-15
Updated: 2016-02-15
Packaged: 2018-05-20 20:49:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 796
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6024334
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bacner/pseuds/Bacner
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>How Deadpool derailed the Civil War</p>
            </blockquote>





	How Deadpool derailed the Civil War

And so it came to pass that Captain America and the Winter Soldier had laid an ambush for the Iron Man (and his people), since it was a time of the Civil War. Instead, the door opened up, (well, it was supposed to do that, because this is what doors are supposed to do, actually), there was a flash of teleportation, and no one else appeared in the vacant doorway, but Deadpool, the infamous Scarlet Smartass. "Why, hey, Buckaroo!" he said brightly to the Winter Soldier in question, as if this was a regular occurrence - for both of them (because honestly, you could never tell with Deadpool). "Miss me?"

Bucky blinked and dropped the rifle, before walking over to the Weapon X 'graduate' and jabbing him with his fingers several times (in a completely non-sexual way, BTW). "So, you're real, you're really real," he told Deadpool, "and not some Hydra-based brainwashing delusion."

"Yes, Grumpy Cat, I told you that - I'm just your friendly neighbourhood merc with the mouth...well, that, and a thingamajig that I've lifted from Cable that allows me to travel through both time and space," Deadpool shrugged, "and I decided to visit you, now that you are out of Hydra. Your ex-Hydra friends say hi, and apparently, they're ex-friends now too - they are dating other people now, and not even very exciting people, like that Johnson girl with her amazing gyrations - or is it vibrations? Anyways-"

"Can we go somewhere else and talk?" the Winter Soldier interrupted the other man with clear impatience in his voice. "Because Steve's new boyfriend is coming here looking for a fight, and as much as I and Steve are friends, I'd rather not ruin his lovelife again, plus I'm straight-"

"...Seriously, you, and Grant, and Barbara - the three of you got the same mindset - responsibility, depression, quietness and all. The Blonde Barbie, at least, found herself a fun boyfriend - not, he thinks he's me or something! Imitation may be the sincerest form of flattery, but I am not buying it. Anyways, let's go to China and see what we can find down there..." and with another flare of Cable's 'borrowed' thingamajig they were gone - just as the Iron Man came in.

"...Did Wilson just take your, cough, friend, somewhere?" the Iron Man asked nonchalantly, as if this sort of thing was normal for this day and age (and maybe it was) and he wasn't just as an ordinary man in a flying suit (admittedly).

"...Is that what his name is? I didn't meet him yet. Is he one of Xavier's people? ...And I'm straight, really." 

"Yeah; he also calls himself Deadpool; the popular consensus is that he is a mutant of some kind, but he isn't really affiliated with anyone, not even Xavier; and of course you're straight, I'm sure. Straight as one of Hawkeye's arrows too, no doubt, if Natasha's tales are anything to go by."

"Don't go there," Steve said firmly. "Just because I'm not trying to compensate for something-"

"I'm not trying to compensate for anything! I'm just upholding the Stark family name and values!!"

"-And Natasha isn't entirely over Bruce - not yet," Steve countered just as the woman in question stormed in, anger clouding her eyes.

"Which one of you two manly idiots got Bruce here? From China, apparently, too!" she yelled. "He still got issues with the American armed forces and government, remember?!" 

"That was Wade 'Deadpool' Wilson," the Iron Man grumbled. "He's back from wherever Cable had taken him. It also seems that he and Barnes have some friends in common, either in Hydra or in China, I didn't get where-"

"My Chinese friends are not Hydra!" Banner said firmly, appearing from behind Natasha - not as the Hulk, but still very angry. "In fact, most of them would rather not have anything to do with Hydra - or AIM, since they got alien DNA in them...or are yetis, which are a kind of alien, period."

"Oh. So when you said that aliens were hitting on you you meant the Abominable Snowmen?" Natasha perked up considerably (cough; they're just friends, really).

"More like Snowwomen, but Natasha, they're yetis, they don't count - not really," Bruce said firmly. "I missed you."

"...I missed you too," Natasha confessed; "the split between Stark and Rogers is the most excitement since you left, and not even the good kind, no," she shook her head in firm disapproval towards the both men; Bruce added his glare as well. 

And as the rest of the Avengers (new and old) appeared on the scene and began to update the Hulk-slash-Bruce Banner on what he had missed, while he had been away in Asia, Steve just shook his head and exchanged a look with Tony: they both missed Thor.

The End?

**Author's Note:**

> In honor of the released Deadpool movie, and in honor of the upcoming Captain America: Civil War movie, this little piece.


End file.
